Mental Health Day

Sometimes people throw that term around just as an excuse. In my case, my own personal mental health day means doing what i want to do when i want to do it. I wish i could say that my life isn't very controlled but it is. Very rarely is my free time my free time. It's planned and mapped out. Mental health days do wonder from me as it allows me to reset my mind.

Since i returned from Texas at the beginning of May i've been pulled in all sorts of directions. I've bounced back between both Lynnhaven and Greenbrier locations while other managers have been on vacation, had surgery, quit as well as been terminated. That in itself has taken it's toll on me. Sometimes i don't feel like being bothered or that i pass out on the couch due to sheer emotional exhaustion. I consider myself to be mentally tough but the more problems i take on in my personal life compacted with my issues of work life is draining. I've been continually experiencing back pains to the point that i've been saved by having a duty-free vacation.

Interesting things that i found

My friend Cara is still in the mist of a messy post divorce situation. What amazes me is how quickly civil matters can turn messy. Of course no one expects everything to be a clean break in situations like this. There is expected disappointed but just as in all situations your character should shine through. When i say character i mean all the things that make you who you are on a very day bases. Some may call them morals and ethics while others will refer to them as basic home training. For example, i work with an individual that when the time gets hard they non-confrontation. This person cowers away, therefor i know in the character department when i 'm put in that situation i most likely will not have someone standing behind me. Instead i will have an outside observer.

Of all the amazing quotes i could find i love this one the most. Regardless of whatever discussion that we make at the point in time it seemed like the right thing to do. I will paint a pictures that's more than 10 years ago to explain this example. I drove to DC to see Eva (she is now one of my closest female friends) while i was still in a relationship with my girlfriend Ayesha. Ultimately i ruined my relationship with my girlfriend to have that experience of simply hanging out with someone i only heard the voice of and read the letters of. I recalled for sometime i would beat myself up about how things turned out, but then i realized for the moment of happiness it was all worth it. As well as this was all part of God's plan.

What would life be like if they actually had a class on relationships. They semi have their version of it when you're in high school and middle school but nothing really prepares you for it. You aren't emotionally equipped to handle that situations that we are put in. Just thinking back to being in school again, sometimes it seemed like my world would end just because i was rejected or broken hearted. Years later it the sting of neglect still feels the same.

Woman Tonight ~ Felt

Sometimes you find the right songs at the right moment. I discovered this song a long time ago when i friend put it on a cd for me. I never knew the title of the song but i just accepted it as it was and become one of those unknown tracks that i loved. i would rank it high on my favorites list because it reminds me of my expectations of love. This song speaks to the unknown voids in my life.

Take me out to the Ball Game

I'm not sure why i never really wrote about my first Texas experience. I guess i was waiting for the 2nd one to take place. Life is funny sometimes in that aspect. I promised myself after i got home from the last one and the Dallas area had record snow fall that i would not go back. No way in the world would i be there again until the dust in that area had settled down. Of course the dust didn't settle down and actually now it's getting kicked up and blown in the wind again. Still i remember there, i guess fate is guiding my hand at this moment. So when i took a picture of my converse sitting on the floor i knew it felt right. I had a feeling that i haven't had in sometime i was at home.

I have been doing a lot of things that i haven't done before this year. Earlier i went to my 1st professional basketball game and this time i went to my 1st professional baseball game. Little did i know that Texas was the windiest place on earth. So any small thing that's on the ground will be blown especially peanut shells. So as i was talking to Cara, i received my 1st peanuts at the baseball stadium. I know this is an over used term but "everything is better live." When you're at home you have no one to interact with but listen to the announcers but actually at the game you can to here everyones' mindless rambles. I got a chance to listen to chatter about how one sister got left at the ball game while the other two sisters went to a Mexican bar to drink. I listened to what true retired men do when they don't have to work anyone (so jealous). I got to experience a random guy continue to single handed cheer for the Rangers. Plus i listened to a vendor continue to say "kettle corn" in his accent until i thought he was saying "ghetto corn." I also learned a very important lesson foul ball are no joking matter. Watch out from them but because if you aren't paying attention to the game. There's a good chance that you could end up in the hospitial . Overall i had a great time and i'm not a baseball fan by any stretch. However i truly want to go back to a game again.

fly...

Of all the songs that could have possibly popped into my head at work today this one stands out. The great thing about this song is that it reminds me constantly that i should never get up on my dream. My dream isn't to fold clothes, address customer complains, as well as handle shoplifters. My dream is to be an artist as i was working yesterday a co-worker noticed my pencil bag. Moments later she assumed that i had a container full of pens and it would only be common courtesy to give her one. This was the first time in a long time that i addressed anyone working there that i'm an artist. I don't work at Old Navy because i want to, but because in the grand scheme of things i'm suppose to for the time being. So i'm waiting on my spaceship

Break times is over

I've taken a small break from speaking my mind and attacking the issues i hold dear to my heart. One of my biggest fears is change. I'm afraid to step out on the ledge and simply do things. Which would explain why it took me 5+ years to get a new phone. My dinosaur phone has been been creeping along and keeping up with me until this past weekend. So i headed out on Mon prepared to get myself a new phone which i did. Yes i'm still getting the hang off my phone but what scared me was it was too new. There's no such thing as anything being to new but it was. I can apply the same theory to my life. Why haven't i quit Old Navy yet, because i'm scared of the change. i'm scared of trying something so new that it will scare me into regret. It goes without saying that my name Thomas is a biblical name. Most people know the story how Thomas doubted Jesus after he rose from the grave. By any means is my life episode that bad but i find myself constantly doubting and judging myself.

I'm still find myself looking back and most of the time it isn't with a smile on my face. I was on facebook recently and their mutual friends setting. I saw a picture that i hadn't seen in some time. It was of Vera. The girl i spent the better part of 5 years chasing all throughout high school. Never once did she tell me i'm chasing a far fetched dream. I know i shouldn't be happy about other's disappointments but she gained weight and had kids. Not the skinny little theater actress i remember.

You can wipe off the grin.....

I've been toying around with the fact why don't i write more often. Above all else i should've blogged around my amazing trip to Texas. But my attention has been elsewhere trying to fix myself while help others who i thought needed help. Somewhere this week i broke down. Unable to handle balancing act that i thought i should i let go of one of the scales to focus on own growth. It could be viewed as being selfish, odd or be just being me.
I'm a person that believe that everything happens for a reason. Yesterday as i walked in an art store to get supplies i a song was playing. These is the same song i posted my facebook page i will probe a little deeper into without giving away the whole story. Certain lines in Phil Collin's song stick out to me and the more you explain the words hopefully you will see why.